I am continually amazed that with all the historical footnotes that clearly indicate the dangers of mixing religion with politics, that the human race never seems to lose it’s zeal for taking another stab at this unworkable marriage. I mean, anyone can expect fanatical religious leaders of any faith to fight for center stage in all political undertakings. Consider, if you will, the current dangers that have been presented to the world with the marriage of the conservative fundamentalists of Islam and the politics of Iran. What surprises me, however, is how common place this kind of thinking has become in the U.S., a nation that established its credentials and has prospered, in large part, because of a brilliant document that established a separation of Church and State. I mean if we have a creed, other than our Republicanism and Democratic principles, that little bit of the Constitution should be it, right! Our system says very simply that freedom of religion may be your God-given right, but it is worth even more because it is guaranteed by that document. Really simple, don’t you think?
And lo and behold, just as I thought we were cooling the heels of those persons who worry more about pro-choice, pro-life issues than the 2 wars we are currently fighting, we seem to slip back in time; Tammy and Jim can’t be far away and where is Jimmy Swaggart when you really need him!
With all this in mind, I decided to call my buddy, God. Now if you’re expecting deep admissions of my prayerful or meditative abilities to communicate with the Almighty, get a new life; I call him on my cell-phone. He gave me his number—very unlisted—many years ago. I think he knew I would be a hard sell and so he made it a little bit easier for me to communicate with him. I skip all the brokers and incantations and just dial direct!
I dialed his number and, after a few thousand rings, he answered.
“Hello, this is God and I am answering this call because, truly, your call is always very important to me.”
“God?” Billy P. here.”
“Hello, Dude. I already told you that I wouldn’t take your neighbors away, so what is it now? "
“Naw, they moved. But I’ve got big problems now. It’s the Republicans!”
“I thought you liked Republicans—Reagan, Lincoln, and the like. And didn’t they just do a cool thing and nominate a women for your highest office?”
“Yeah, I do like Republicans, sometimes; and they did nominate a women for Vice-President—our second highest office, by the way.”
“Sorry, politics isn’t my strong-suit. How’s that going, by-the-way?”
“Well, I’m not sure. I’ve been reading some about this women and what she has said, so I thought I would give you a call because she quotes you a lot.”
“Yeah, many people have a tendency to know exactly what I’m thinking even when I’m not thinking it!”
“That’s just it. She told a group of ministry students that the war in Iraq is a “task from God.”
“Well, you know that you wasted your dime. Remember the last time we talked about war? I told you that I was so upset about World War 11 and the calls I received from all sides that I almost let you extinguish yourselves.”
“Yeah, I figured that, but I wanted to get it from the horse’s mouth—no insult intended.”
“None taken. I have the ability to forgive.”
“So I’m going to guess that you haven’t taken any calls about getting your Will to build a natural gas pipeline in Alaska?”
“Look, I got a world-wide hunger problem, genocide in Darfur, religious intolerance almost everywhere, wars popping up all over your silly globe—does it seem like I would have the time to worry about a pipeline in nowhere-ville, USA? And, besides, I don’t even own a hard hat!”
“Well, then, I won’t keep you longer. One more question.”
“No, Billy!”
“No, I can’t ask one more question?”
“No! No, I can’t re-grow hair on your bald head!”
“Okay, who do I see about that?”
“That’s Mother Nature’s department.”
“Got a number?”
“Goodbye, Billy.”
“Goodbye, God. Have a nice day.”
Billy P.
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