Something odd happens when the clock strikes about 40 in this numbers game we call life. We develop this obsessive concern about our health and well being. This transition seems to happen overnight like turning a light switch on and off. One day you're a young and vibrant person with nary a thought of your health, the next day you are possessed by words and terms—cholesterol, hyper-tension, sciatica—that you had never heard of or understood.
And suddenly there is an un-agreed upon competition with your friends which pits your latest illness and doctor's report against theirs:
"My physician says that if my cholesterol were any higher I could go to Harvard!"
'That's nothing, my sciatic nerve is so inflamed that it looks like I'm carrying a chub of salami in the back of my pants."
I started to complain the other day to my wife about some symptoms that I apparently picked up from a T.V. commercial or show.
She looked at me with a gaze that only she can muster and said "If you truly have these symptoms I suggest you call my gynecologist because there is something wrong with your ovaries."
Now I'm really worried because I wasn't born with ovaries—I checked!
I lived in Florida for several years and loved to ease-drop on the geriatric set when they were in full debate. It was much like watching Grand Masters in a bridge tournament with everyone strategizing their bids:
"I got Shingles, two-impacted teeth, and my doctors says that if I go in the sun, I'll die."
"I can beat that with my nephritic condition, gingivitis, in all four quadrants, and I have already been scrapped 6 times for skin cancer."
"You're all a bunch of nobodies. I got 3 weeks to live, and the doctor doesn't even know what's wrong with me."
It finally dawned on me that health issues are never a topic when you are young because there were no health issues. Everything still works! For those of us with good family genes, well, the warranty has expired. For those of us with genes that are suspect—kind of like a machine built with used parts—we're going to have plenty to talk about by the time we get to the care center!
My wife wondered aloud that if the Republicans win the election with their new V.P., will the government close on the weekends for soccer practice? I reassured her that the government was already closed.
The British created an anti-terrorist force named, Fast Action Response Team. Make an acronym out of that! For real!
I just finished reading a book entitled, “The Post American World.”
Among many brilliant observations the author makes is to point out that:
The tallest building in the world is in Taipei
The richest man in the world is Mexican
The largest publicly traded corporation is Chinese.
Macao, not Las Vegas, is the gambling capitol of the world.
The largest refinery is in India.
The Indians also produced more motion pictures than anyone in the world.
Singapore… Singapore, for cripes sake, has the LARGEST FERRIS WHEEL!!
And to add insult to injury—regarding an American creation—shopping, of the ten top malls in the world, only one is located in America!
Just remember, Rosetta Stone promises it can teach you a foreign language fast and easily.
Billy P.
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