"39 Resons I Don't Want To Be President!" Part 3

This is the third installment of this series and, I know, you can’t wait—so…

21) Most of my friends can’t get passed security at the local library. So I think there might be a potential problem with the Oval Office, as far as visiting me. No friends, no Prez! That’s the way it is.

22) Presidents in waiting don’t have to submit to a polygraph, which is good for them, but bad for me. Just ask me a question, any question and I’ll prove it. I would foresee a very short term in office, so why bother?


23) The First Man always has a very impressive educational lineage—Harvard, Yale, or the like. Whatever I know, I learned on the streets and as proof I offer this BLOG. Who would be stupid enough to write for hours and not make a damn cent out of it?

24) I don’t know anything about the economy, national health care or other social issues. I have no opinions regarding alternate sources of energy or how to rest the Arab world’s petroleum production from them. Until recently I thought pro-choice meant that you didn’t have to wear a condom if you didn’t want to-- and I don’t; and foreign policy is—well, hell—foreign to me. You know, I hate to say this at this time, but I think I would be perfect for the job.


25) All Presidents are ambitious men. The only ambition that I have is not to be President.

26) Presidents, much like priests, are not supposed to have impure thoughts. I have them all the time and like to discuss them with anyone who will listen including young women.


27) If you’re President or, at least, if you are the present one, the word is pronounced “nu-clar," as in nuclear weapons. I pronounce it “noo-clee-er.” I figure if I have to launch it, I’d ought to be able to pronounce it (even if I didn’t go to Yale).

28)It has been a trend with recent Presidents, to be seen riding horseback. I must confess that I once ate a horse whose carcass had found its way onto a Philly Cheese steak. There goes the Western vote!


29) All successful Chief Executives have friends in high places. All of my friends dwell in low places and have no intention of changing their residence.

30)Presidents have to be good and energetic campaigners. They sometimes hang out on the back of trains, and always can be seen kissing babies. Trains smell like diesel fuel and babies smell like puke. Campaigning stinks, too!

Last installment tomorrow.

Billy P.